Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
