Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
