VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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