and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
