Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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