he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
