His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
