I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
