I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
