The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
