Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
