there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
