Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
3 2 1 whiskey
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
