I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize