No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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