You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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