____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
