i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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