It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
