I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
