why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i think im in europe. pls send help
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
