I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How's work?
Spinning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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