You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
