I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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