just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
