im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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