My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
