that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
