im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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