I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
