4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
