I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
