Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
handjob tips. give me some.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
