Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
