We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
