Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dear god my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
