apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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