Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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