I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
