just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
