My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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