Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
