I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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