I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
