i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they're like a gay fantastic four
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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