Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
