somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
