I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
