Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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