you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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