Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
