i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
