i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
