I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
