Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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