just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
