Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
