This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
