I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
