I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
